Hi beautiful! You texted me not that long ago and asked me I was OK and if we are OK. I did the same thing the day before. Personally, I think this is because we are both more on the clingy side and we haven't really had the chance to spend much time on the phone in the past week so things feel off. I know for me, they definitely feel off because I haven't spoken to my best friend and lover nearly as much as I want to.

More importantly to me, though, is the fact that you said I have you worried and you said yourself "not chatting does this" so my goal right now is to help make you feel better. I'd call if I could, but I don't think that'd work out right now in any good ways. So, I'll do what I can, which is write you and then send you a text to ask you to come read this.

To answer your question: Are we ok? Well, you tell me. I'll be moving back in 8 days and have an apartment 6 minutes from E's new school. I have my primary full time job that will pay all of our bills plus allow for *very* little to go into savings. Then, I just got a 2nd job that pays almost as well as my first job (about $3 an hour less, but I think I've already told you amounts.) That job's intention is furnish our apartment, get the reversal, and then save money until you and I are both comfortable with what is in our savings account. Once I get there, I'll stop working two jobs so you and I can spend more time together, plus we have E who I Will want to spend time with, and Audrey coming into the mix as quickly as I can make that happen. I think these are all good things.

I posted on this site a few days ago about how "I need my best friend" when I was having a really bad depressive episode. There's two ways we can look at it, and I definitely choose one of them over the other. You've apologized for not being there for me when I needed you, but I don't want you to feel that way. Our life situations are very complicated right now, and we have both missed opportunities to support the other person because of it. I don't want to focus on that part, because that part is currently outside of our control. What I want to focus on instead is this: We are both reaching out to our best friend and lover when we need it. Neither of us are shutting down, neither of us hiding away and bed rotting first. We are both communicating to the other person how we feel, and what we need. If we were living together and I told you I needed my best friend, there is no doubt in my mind that you would drop everything you were currently doing and come hold me, pamper me, and encourage me until I felt better. You know I would absolutely do the same for you. I told you how my previous requests for help were answered, so the fact that I'm letting you know I need help and reaching out asking for help is a big deal.

Then, as silly as this one may seem, we're both feeling exactly the same way right now: because we haven't been able to talk we are both worried about the other person being upset. We may need some healthier ways to process these things, but we will find them as a family in therapy like we have planned all along. It just shows that you value me immensely and I value you exactly the same.

I don't know that I even need to touch on the physical aspect. We're both attracted to each other in ways that cannot be described on a PG-13 website.

If you ever wonder if things are OK between us, just remember: I have two rings waiting for you, and I'm going to make a third one.

Distance is difficult. Not being able to talk is difficult. But our love for each other is very real, and easily strong enough to move mountains.

I look forward to when we can chat again. I look forward to giving you the biggest hug you've ever had in your life, too.

I hope that answers your question. Yes, love of my life, we are great. It's a little rough right now, but in 8 short days everything will change.

Just in case this isn't enough, I'll start you a love letter that's very different from this one. It's an idea I've been toying with for a while now, but I think it's time to actually put it on paper. I definitely won't get through writing it with dry eyes, just so I set the expectations for you.

I love you, Summer. Aishiteru, Natsu.

PS: ive said it before and i will say it again: my background picture makes me smile, and feel a wave of calm and love. Let me say that a different way: YOU, Summer Marie Brizzie, (Kennedy as soon as i can make that happen), make me smile. YOU make me feel loved. YOU help me feel calm and relaxed knowing someone genuinely cares for me, in a world of unrelentjng malice and apathy, after a lifetime of familial and medical trauma. A simple background photo reminds me that regardless of what else is happening, youre there for me.

Also, a few people saw my phone background and just called you beautiful and said the silly "whys she with you" thing