When I got to Brian's house earlier this evening one of the first things I told him about was the conversation you and I had (yes, I told him about my girlfriend in Florida) where we talked about how I'm unmasking around you in ways I didn't even know I masked because you're my comfort.

I told him about how you make me comfortable at such a level that the things I don't even know about come undone. How good that feels, how I am proud of him because his kids don't mask but it's a very draining process for those in my situation. He's an excellent father and after the diagnosis read a TON of stuff about autism. One of my first conversations with him was about spoon theory and masking, and he never told his kids they needed to do anything to mask. I've told him several times as a late diagnosed adult how much that means to me.

Anyway, back to you being my comfort. I get home from his house where there was another guy named Squirrel, because...North Carolina. I hadn't met him before, and he wasn't horrible but he was slightly annoying so mask went up and the social drain started.

Now that I'm back home, I just stared at my phone background and felt peaceful. Your loving eyes and beautiful smile took me out of the anxious, high drain, masked mindset I was in and very quickly put me at peace, knowing that in just a few short weeks the person who loves me for who I am will be such a big part of my life. Thank you for being who you are. Thank you for not putting conditions on us like I am so used to experiencing. Thank you for tolerating loving me exactly as I am, unmasked, anxious, with baggage. Thank you for all the new feelings you've introduced me to.

You could ask for the moon and I'd be an astronaut tomorrow.

Aishiteru, kireisan.

PS: I re-read these posts sometimes, for different reasons. The difference in this post and the post I made from Brian's house is wild. I know the phone handicapped my HTML capabilities a little bit, but even then just the way that I phrase things was wild vs. this, now that I've stared at a loving face and found calm again. Thank you, my love.