I just watched the documentary that that blonde girl with BPD on IG referenced, and obviously I know very little about the situation but that blonde girl's opinion of it being BPD related makes sense. Maybe it was or wasn't the case, who knows? But it is possible, I'd think.

So why is that relevant? It just makes me feel more guilty for not being better to you while split. Right after I send texts about us forgiving ourselves, I go and make it worse.

I've watched a lot of videos on IG about BPD lately. Pyschiatrists, therapists, lovers, friends, and actual people with BPD. I don't know if I'm well informed, but I would say I'm more informed than the average person for sure. (Side note: a study by McLean shows that with DBT 93% of patients showed 100% symptom remission for 2 years in the first 10 years. It is very treatable. It is totally something we can work on together.)

And hey. I love you. I'm still here. I'm not going anywhere. I know you very well, I believe, and still think you're perfect. My dream girl.

Like I said recently. I'm not showing up to fix you or save you. I love you dearly. So, I'm here to be there for you however you need, however you want.

I love you, beautiful.

PS: You said something about wanting to read things even if I delete them later: I have no need for that. While I've told a couple people that the site exists, only you and I have the address. There are no secrets between us, and I love that. Just full transparency.

PSS: I hope this doesn't trigger you in any way or come across rude or mean. I felt guilty after watching that documentary. I always want to say I love you and I'm not going anywhere. I hope that's the tone that of this post and not anything else.