Hey baby. I love you. I'm sorry we didn't get to talk much today and that I didn't write much. I was going to write a post about mental health, and right before I got up to do so I saw this:
A list of 5 things to do that will actually be helpful during a split. If you feel up to it, maybe watch that video and tell me if you think it is good advice. I am very much committing to be there for you, forever. But, I don't think that's enough. I don't need to just be present, I need to be there and be helpful as best I can. So I would like to know if those steps are steps you think will be helpful.
I'm super depressed myself right now. I'm not sure why. Probably a combination of many things, but the loneliness is definitely a part of it. I've told you I'll be happier in Florida, but not really gone into specifics. Even if it is just people that are "friends" and not super close, I'll at least have some people. And if I'm extremely lucky, I'll have you too. I still mean it when I say I want you in my life, always.
I don't mean that as a way to guilt you, and I hope you don't feel guilty. My depression is definitely not your fault, and you have been so very helpful in dealing with it. A lot of that is because spending time with you makes me very happy, because there is no performance to it. There's no masking, there's no having to apologize for how or who I am. There's just being loved.
Part of you helping me has also been that you give me reasonable and practical advice to help fix things. You have multiple times resolved issues at work by giving me advice. You're incredibly smart and you're very willing to share that genius with me and make my life better. I appreciate you more than I have words to explain.
Since I got home I've either been crying or very close to it. I don't know why. I guess that's how depression works, though. I would love to talk to a doctor about getting on meds, at least short term because if I can shake it I'd really prefer not to be on them long term, but the cost is probably too high to do that until I have health insurance.
We share the good stuff and the bad, right? Nothing hidden, always honest with each other? Well, I guess this is one of those bad things. I hope you still love me when I'm like this.
Please let me know what you think about the advice in that video if you're able to watch it.
Aishiteru, kireisan.