I've said a ton of times that you have no idea what you mean to me. And realistically, how could you? I've told you snippets here and there, I've shown you what you mean to me in some of the things I've said to you or done for you, but those are really only hints of the bigger picture. Well, I'm no genius wordsmith, but let's try doing this the old-fashion way. Maybe, just maybe, you'll have a good idea of what you mean if I...you know...just tell you.

I hope it's very clear to you that you're my best friend. I don't have a ton of friends to begin with, and among those that I do I don't really have any I can have serious conversations with in the way that you and I talk. Sure, I can talk to Pete about what's going wrong with things but he'll only half listen, then offer some solution that would work for him in his lifestyle and moral framework, but doesn't work at all for me, and then get upset when I refuse his adivce. You? You take into account who I am and How my brain works when you give me advice on things.

On that note, when I told you I was diagnosed autistic you kind of laughed and said "yea, duh" whereas Pete, who has known me for 30 some years? outright refused the concept. He thought I was using it as an excuse for something else. You just accepted and loved me as I was.

So, you're the first person I've been able to really talk to about serious issues that takes into account who I am, what my past looks like, what my priorities are, and takes those into consideration when you talk to me. You take into account my struggles with mental health and don't hold them against me, but rather support me through them.

Bluntly put, at 40 years old (well, 38 when we first really started talking) you were the person that taught me what a true friend was. You don't hide things from me, and you don't lie to me. You don't sugar coat the truth either. Sure, there are things you don't tell me, but you don't *hide* them. We've both agreed that I probably don't want to know. We agreed on it, so I don't consider it hiding anything.

You're also the person who has taught me what healthy communication looks like. Our comunication is excellent. We ask questions when we don't understand, and we never assume the worst of each other. We don't speak down to one another, and though we both struggle with accepting compliments we are both getting much better at it. I've thought I had excellent and healthy communication in the past, but everything with you surpasses my previous experiences so much it is hard to believe I ever thought things were good before.

Without a doubt, you've taught me what it means to be supported. Even when you wanted me to leave NC and come be with you in FL, you encouraged me to keep doing well at the job I had and helped motivate me to excel. You gave me advise on multiple occassions on how to deal with my employees and because you are wise beyond your years it always worked out exactly as you said it would.

Our first phone call was 9 hours long. Not a day has gone by since that phone call where I haven't wanted to talk to you. Not a single one. I don't know that I've ever had a person in my life I could spend that much time on the phone with. Even when we aren't talking on the phone, we text as often as we can.

You also understand my health struggles, outside of the mental ones. Most people assume anyone in pain management is doing it for happy fun time pills, and you've never once been judgmental about that.

You helped me understand that what I went through in my most recent marriage wasn't just terriible, it was outright abusive. That those "red flags" I thought I saw in the beginning weren't just red flags, they were the beginning signs of an abusive relationship.

We've joked with each other plenty, and teased each other a lot. But never once have I heard you say (publicly or privately) anything actually mean about me. You've shown me, by example, how to be encouraging and bring out the best in someone.

You've taught me about loving patience. You know I never intend to mansplain things to you, but that I enjoy talking through a concept from start to finish, and because I like doing it you patiently and lovingly listen to me. I can't explain how good that feels.

At no small risk to yourself, you text me and call me as often as you can. Every text, every phone call says "I love you, Ryan." Every single time, it makes me smile.

I've been told I'm attractive my whole life, by numerous people. I've never felt like I was, and I've definitely never really believed the person telling me that I was. That's different with you. The proof is in the fact that I haven't worn a hat in months now, even out in public. You've single-handledly given me enough of a boost of confidence that I'll go outside without a hat. That means that I fully believe you when you tell me you think I'm attractive, and it means that I'm actually starting to feel that way as well.

I'm on the spectrum, and you know that well. For me, that means concepts in the social realm are typically a struggle for me. It's probably why I'm a terrible judge of character. But in each of the cases listed above, you just take my hand, and tell me "let's walk through this together, dear." And then we do.

So, what do you mean to me? To me, you mean the world. You didn't teach me anything. You *SHOWED* me everything. You didn't tell me about how a friend would act in a certain situation, you were a friend and walked me through the situation holding my hand. You didn't tell me about how love works, you loved me and were there for me. You didn't tell me silly poster-quotes of encouragement. You listened to what I was going through and gave me practical advise and encouragement.

So please, Summer, I really mean this. When I said I'd spend my time looking for another you, and you said there's a younger, prettier version of you out there, understand that that is just simply not true.

This is why I get so scared at the thought of losing you. When I say you mean the world to me, I really mean it. You're the best thing that has happened to me, and easily my favorite person in the world.

I love you, Summer.